I dislike that I resort to putting my daughter in front of the TV whenever I’m trying to get my son down for a nap.
I dislike being around smokers when I have my kids in tow.
I dislike muddy paw prints in my house.
I dislike that I haven’t been the blogger that I want to be lately.
I like the smell of autumn.
I like the sound of a gentle rain.
I love seeing and hearing my kids laugh hysterically at each other.
I dislike it when I yell at my kids.
I love growing food in my backyard.
I dislike that my backyard doesn’t get enough sun to have a big garden.
I like that my backyard has so much shade I don’t have to worry about my kids getting sunburned.
I love the looks on my kids’ faces when they discover something for the first time.
I like the feeling of sand between my toes.
I like that now (after more than 11 years) I have a bike to ride again.
I dislike that sometimes marriage seems like so much work.
I dislike not having the answers to all of my questions.
I love living in Colorado.
I love Michigan (my home state), but only in the summer and fall.
I love that my sister and I have such a close relationship.
I dislike that talking to my parents isn’t easy.
I like that my parents and I are slowly but surely working on our relationships.
I like that I know how to make my kids laugh.
I like educating others.
I like writing.
I dislike that I don’t always feel motivated to write.
I dislike blatant consumerism.
I love watching my kids play.
I dislike early mornings.
I love to sleep.
I love that I’ve been able to breastfeed both of my kids.
I dislike ignorance.
I dislike that sometimes I am ignorant.
*I dislike the word hate, which is why I used “dislike” instead of it.
I love that my husband believes in parenting the same way that I do.
I love that my husband is a wonderful father.
I dislike my cluttered house.
I dislike addiction.
I love feeling like I’ve made a difference.
I love that I have a supportive group of friends.
I dislike that there’s so much suffering in the world.
I love that my children willingly eat so many foods that I was never exposed to until I was an adult.
I like that I’m allowing myself to feel for the first time in a while.
I dislike the way that those feelings sometimes make me feel.
I dislike fear.
I love that I’m learning to overcome my fears.
And I love that my kids make everything that seems difficult, or even impossible, worth the effort.
This feels rather meme-like, so I invite you to feel free to do this on your own blog if you feel so inclined. I found it to be a very enlightening, fun, and educational exercise. It’s especially interesting to see how many likes, dislikes and loves you come up with at the end. If you do this on your blog and want to link back to me, I’d appreciate it, but please don’t feel obligated. 🙂
After taking part in a recent discussion on Twitter with @NTFFC, @feelslikehome and @phdinparenting regarding the fact that we all were experiencing various degrees of separation anxiety about leaving our kids to go to BlogHer, I felt certain that we weren’t the only moms feeling this way. Moms and children alike have dealt with separation in the past, but I began wondering what ways there were to get through it that would make it easier on everyone involved.
I should first note that I’m writing this article from the perspective of a mom who practices Attachment Parenting (AP) with her children. It’s what I know, it’s what I do, so it makes the most sense that I write from that angle. That said, every mom knows their child’s and their own needs better than anyone else. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to parent, just offer suggestions for those who are looking for help.
Although I really wanted to go to BlogHer last year, I didn’t feel the timing was right. My youngest, Julian, was a little over a year old at the time I would’ve needed to commit to the conference. He was still nursing (and never took a bottle), and I knew that several days apart wouldn’t go well for either of us. Although I whined about it plenty on Twitter, I knew I made the right decision for us to stay home. As it was I was still able to virtually attend BlogHer in Second Life from my own house, where I met some new people and had a great time. Not the same thing, but it allowed me to experience a small bit of the awesomeness that is BlogHer.
Fast-forward to this year. Julian is a year older, night weaned (though still nursing during the day), no longer co-sleeping (with me, though he shares a room with his sister Ava), will go to sleep for someone other than me (if I’m not home), and can comprehend that mommy is leaving for a few days (just like daddy sometimes does for work) and that I will be back. I feel it will go much more smoothly. And so, after four and a half years of blogging, I am attending my very first BlogHer(!!) and leaving my kids for an extended period of time for the very first time as well. The only other time I’ve been away overnight from my kids in five years (yes, five years!) was when my husband and I went to Boulder for a night away two weeks ago while the kids were with my parents and my sister. My kids (ages 2.5 and 5) did really well, but we were gone for less than 24 hours. My BlogHer Chicago trip will require me to be gone for three nights and yes, I’m a little nervous about it.
However, I was much more nervous about it before Jody and I had our night away. I think of that getaway as kind of a trial run for the kids. They did great with my parents and sis here and I feel quite confident that they will do just as well, if not better, when it is daddy taking care of them while I’m away. I’m sure I will be OK too, but I have a feeling that for me and many other moms it will be harder on us to be away from our kids than it will for our kids to be away from us.
That said, I believe that there are ways to make the separation easier on the children and, if they are old enough to comprehend what’s going on, they should be prepared in advance for mom’s departure. I also believe that moms know their children best and can likely tell if leaving them in the care of another for a few days will be minimally disruptive to them or if it will cause more difficulty than its worth. If the separation would be too much, there’s also always the option of bringing little ones with you either to keep with you (in a sling or carrier) during the conference (perhaps have a relative or friend stay with you to allow you some time sans child or, if your child is up for it, take advantage of BlogHer’s childcare option) or bringing the whole family and letting your partner and the kids enjoy a little vacation too, but still have the opportunity to hook up with you during the conference as needed.
Annie at PhdinParenting (who will be my BlogHer roomie) has some great suggestions for minimizing the separation anxiety for the children and for mom.
Having an attached dad helps. If your partner is more than just a “babysitter” then the kids will feel comfortable with him.
Waiting until the kids are old enough to understand that Mommy is going away for a few days and will be back soon (rather than just being distressed that she isn’t there). My first time away from my son was when he was almost 2 years old. I wouldn’t have considered it before that. My daughter is now over 2 years old and I think she is ready.
Getting help while you are away from another relative or friend that the kids trust to take some of the stress/pressure off of your partner. My mother-in-law will be here while I’m away at BlogHer, so my husband will have help and the kids will be distracted by her being there.
Take photos with you to look at and show others.
Set up a time to call your kids and check in with them. Having a time set in advance ensures that you are both available and there for the call and no one is disappointed.
Give them something to look forward to. Promise a special gift from your trip or a special activity upon your return.
Have your partner plan some fun activities while you are away. Special outings or play dates or special foods.
Alison at GreenMe jokingly said that mommy BlogHers should update their kids via Twitter and perhaps do some Skyped bedtime stories during their absence, but is that really that far off the mark? Others don’t seem to think so. Even Alison admits that her friend Skyped her 18-month-old every night when she was away for a recent trip and the child barely noticed mom was gone!
Maria from A Piece of my Mind said when she has to leave her son for an extended period of time, “I talk to my son about my leaving, how long I will be gone, if he will visit, what I am doing, etc. I also call/video conference with him.”
Ally from In the Middle of Somewhere said the longest she’s been away from her one-year-old daughter is five hours and they were “not easy” on her. Her daughter, on the other hand, didn’t notice she was gone until she returned. Ally said taking a picture of her daughter with her would’ve helped her separation anxiety and if she was gone longer than five hours she thinks Skype would have come in very handy.
Sandy from Between Lightning suggests making some recordings of you reading their favorite books. And for babies, “I’ve also heard it helps to give them your shirt for scent.”
Bits of Myself, who is currently battling cancer for the second time, offered up what she does for her daughter when they have to be apart. “When Nugget (age 2) and I have to be apart for chemo or hospitalization, we talk about what will happen, what she can expect, visiting, who will be helping to care for her, etc. We also make a special Build-a-Bear together for her to hold when mama’s away.”
Explain to them that you’re taking a trip, show them on the map where you are going, talk to them about the plane (so fascinating!), promise to call from the plane, tell them what type of plane, call when you land, call every night for night-night routine, and promise to bring back a present (eco-friendly, of course). Begin talking to them about a week prior…then remind them the day before, tell them when you’ll be back, what you’ll do….I think the message here, as with Attachment Parenting, is that you want them to KNOW what you are doing, and to be ENGAGED and INVOLVED. NO hiding. No sneaking around.
When a friend of mine needed to be apart from her children for several days while she recovered from a planned surgery, she made a book of photographs for each of her children. That could be done like a scrapbook or photo album, but she used an online photo site to print and bind an actual book. The book included photos of the child, the mother, and the family, and it was meant to be read both before and during the separation.
It could also help to have a calendar — possibly made together as a craft — to count down the days apart. Another idea is to make a construction paper chain to count down the days, just like many children do before Christmas. The mother could take the idea one step further and write a little note on each of the ‘rings’ so that there would be a special message from Mom for the child to read each day.
When I went to Disney Mom Bloggers Mixer two months ago, only bringing my breastfeeding infant, I called throughout the day to my husband and children, and they were told to call me if they missed me. I had the phone on me constantly. We had good practice with mommy being away with the birth of our youngest, luckily she latched to sleeping with just hubby pretty well while I was in the hospital delivering. My toddler is definitely more of a daddy’s girl now. We reiterated his putting her to sleep just before we left, and now it’s his job because, as I said, she’s a daddy’s girl and she loves him and prefers him now! My older children coped well because I called a lot and emailed them pictures.
Amy at Resourceful Mommy offers up a good reminder that we need to take care of our own needs as well as those of our children, and she views attending BlogHer as a way of recharging her batteries. “Breathing new life into ourselves will leave us ready to face the challenges of caring for our children.”
So what am I personally going to do to make this separation easier on all of us? I think a little bit of everything. I plan to:
Talk to my kids about my trip about a week before I go, and then remind them a few more times as the day gets closer.
Leave them some special notes to find while I am gone. (I will likely have my husband place a few around the house each day.)
Call them at least once a day and tell them they can call me too.
Email them pictures and ask them to email me pics of them too (with daddy’s help).
Help my husband plan out their days with a few special activities before I go so the kids have some things to look forward to.
Get the book “The Kissing Hand” to read before I go.
Bring them both home a present.
And I will definitely have some pictures of my kids with me.
Do you have any suggestions on how you have or will reduce separation anxiety for your children or yourself? Leave a comment and share your tips.
When my daughter was born four and a half years ago, I had no plan for how long I would breastfeed her, I just knew that I would start off breastfeeding and then go with the flow. It so happens that in our case going with the flow meant that one month shy of her fourth birthday she was still nursing (albeit only once a day), and as I would soon discover, we weren’t the only ones on this path.
I didn’t set out to nurse a preschooler, but somehow along the way, my sweet little baby grew from an infant to a toddler and eventually blossomed into a preschooler in what now seems like the blink of an eye. I am confident this won’t go on forever and when I look back on this time when she’s 10 or 20 or 30, and I look at the young woman she’s become, I am hopeful that I will feel good about the choices I made and have no regrets.
When I wrote that post I was feeling rather isolated and wondered if there were others who’d chosen (either deliberately or unintentionally) to take the long-term (a preferred alternative term to “extended”) breastfeeding route. I soon got my answer. I received 62 comments on that post. Amazingly none of them were negative and several came from women saying that they too nursed an older child and many thanked me for talking about it openly.
Lisa from The Joy of Six said, “I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve nursed mine until they stopped which has been anywhere from 14 mo to 4. Thanks for letting all those ‘closet nursing’ mommies know they aren’t alone.”
Melissa at Through My Window said: “The whole time I was nursing both of my girls past the age of 4 I always wished that I could talk about it and that more moms were willing to admit that they were nursing for a long time too. My girls only nursed at nap-time and bedtime as they became older which meant only 1-2 times/day. Of course, they are weaned now, but I have no regrets and I would absolutely nurse future children as long.”
Liesl from Come, Mommy, who was tandem nursing both her 4 1/2 year old and baby at the time, said:
Got a 4.5 year-old-nursling over here! Sometimes it is a lot to nurse two, but on the other hand, it’s one of the few times Liam will settle down for a bit. Then after he nurses, he’ll sit around and chat, and that’s when I often find out the things on his mind. And I think it’s eased his transition to brotherhood as well. Nursing a 4 year old is a very different thing than nursing a baby, and it is most definitely not for everyone, but overall I’m glad I stayed with it.
Nina (no blog listed) said:
I think it is important for those who think breast feeding a preschooler is *bad* that in many, many parts of the world this is quite normal. Only with the invasion of TVs and computers (whereby the views of more advanced countries are shown) have many moms stopped breastfeeding after about 1 year, they seem to think that the entire world is like that.
My mother was a midwife before she married my father and she very, very strongly rec. breast feeding until the child was ready to wean on his/her own and this was back in the 50’s!
Heather at A Mama’s Blog shared with me a story from her former employer:
My old boss told me an interesting story a few years ago. He was in his 60’s at the time, and grew up in the country. He said when he went to school at lunch time the “little” boys about ages 6 and 7 would go home to nurse. There wasn’t a lot of food at that time, and the mothers also used it as a form of birth control.
I thought that was pretty interesting that just in the 1940s, nursing a 6 and 7 year old was perfectly acceptable. Too bad we have come so far in the other direction in the last 60 years.
I also took an informal poll (if you will) on Twitter to see if others are nursing or have nursed children ages 3 and up. I was rather surprised by the number of replies I received.
Anaed, who blogs at Walking Barefoot on the Earth, breastfed her daughter until her 4th birthday and says that while it wasn’t always easy, the thing she enjoyed about nursing her until she was 4 was that she still had that “connection.”
ErinEly owner of Ely Organics nursed both of her children, a daughter and a son, in the early 1990s for 4.2 years.
ZRecsMom of the zrecs network is practicing child-led weaning and said her 4 1/2 year old daughter is “slooooowly weaning. Down to one right before bed and it lasts about four seconds total. Sometimes, not at all.”
Sillysgood breastfed her daughter until just after her third birthday.
Savvydoula who blogs at Savvy Doula said, “My son nursed until age 3, my daughter til age 4, and both tandem’d for 10 months.”
Tomorrow evening, Jan. 2, barring any late-breaking big news stories, ABC’s 20/20 is set to air an episode featuring segments on long-term (extended) breastfeeding, as well as home birth (both with and without midwives), serial surrogates (women that have numerous babies for other women), “fake babies” (life-like dolls), and orgasmic birth. I believe the title for the show is “Extreme Mothering.” You can see a preview of the breastfeeding segment, which included an interview with the mother of a 6-year-old boy who still nurses, as well as an interview with the boy, on ABC News.
Although I put together a decent little list of mothers and children who are long-term breast-feeders (and that’s without searching on the ‘net for other bloggers or celebrities – yes, there are some), there will, undoubtedly, still be those who think it is weird, gross, damaging, or just plain wrong. If you find yourself in that camp, you might want to consider the following.
The American Academy of Pediatrics says, “Pediatricians and parents should be aware that exclusive breastfeeding is sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months of lifeâ€¡ and provides continuing protection against diarrhea and respiratory tract infection. Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child.” AAP goes on to say, “There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005)
The World Health Organization recommends “infants should be exclusively breastfed(1) for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health(2). Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond.“
The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that “Breastfeeding beyond the first year offers considerable benefits to both mother and child, and should continue as long as mutually desired.” They also note that “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.” (AAFP 2001)
Additionally, there are more position statements from various organizations linked up on KellyMom
But wait, there’s more. According to Summer Minor in her post Is 4 too old to be breastfed?,”Biologically, 4 years is still in the normal range for humans.”
The book Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives contains a wonderful section called “A Time to Wean: The Hominid Blueprint for a Natural Age of Weaning in Modern Human Populations.” by Katherine A. Dettwyler, Ph.D. Dr. Dettwyler is an award winning anthropologist, professor, and breastfed her daughter until she was 4 years old. In the section Dettwyler compares various primates, including humans, to find what the biological norm would be for humans. She found that the natural age for modern humans based on our size, development, and life span is between 2.5 years and 7 years. A child still nursing at 4 years old is normal, natural, and OK.
If you find yourself long-term nursing your child, there’s a good chance that at some point you will run into criticism from others. La Leche League International has some good advice for handling criticism from family, friends or even complete strangers.
If you’re facing criticism, remember that they may simply be uninformed about the benefits of extended breastfeeding or perhaps they feel guilt about their own parenting choices. Consider responding to unwelcome comments by:
Ignoring: walking away or changing the subject.
Informing: sharing books, articles, or a medical professional’s thoughts on extended nursing.
Using Humor: making a joke about the situation or yourself, not the other person.
Acknowledging: recognizing the person’s viewpoint and asking further questions without agreeing or disagreeing
Empathizing: being empathetic to demonstrate that you understand the other person’s feeling and meaning (Vakiener 1999).
Dr. William Sears has some advice about handling the criticism as well. Here are some things he suggests you keep in mind:
Speaking of KellyMom, which is a wonderful resource for all things breastfeeding, if you are the mother of a long-term nurser and are looking for support, check out their forums. There’s a forum for nursing children ages 3 and up. There are also forums for the toddler years – ages 12-24 months and ages 24-36 months.
While I’m sure some of my relatives thought my daughter would nurse “forever,” I can assure you she did not. Her last nursing was on Oct. 3, 2008, at age 4 years, 3 months and 11 days. It was mostly child-led, although I did nudge her a bit at the end. I felt that she was ready, but needed a little extra push (and I knew I was ready). It was bittersweet, but I think it went quite smoothly. I hope to write about the experience one day soon before I forget it. It is yet to be seen what my son will decide to do. As for now, he’s still going strong nursing at 25 months.
It is my hope that as a result of segments like the one on 20/20 and the fact that more women are feeling comfortable speaking out about long-term nursing (as evidenced by all of the comments and Tweets I received), that others will not feel like they need to be “closet nursers” nor feel pressured by family, friends or society in general to wean before they feel it is right for them and their child. Let’s trust our judgment to do what’s right for our child and trust the judgment of other moms to do what’s right for their child too.
Cross-posted on BlogHer. I’d love it if you’d share your comments there too! 🙂
Whether you thought the Motrin ad was off the mark or not, I think it’s safe to say that what happened on Twitter on Nov. 15 and 16 was unprecedented. A group of moms who were collectively offended by a condescending, patronizing and poorly thought out ad that made false statements about babywearing banded together in a very short amount of time resulting in Motrin pulling their ad and issuing an apology.
I’ve seen a lot of reactions to this both here on my blog and elsewhere around the ‘net. Some people are calling for Motrin employees to be fired and I have to say I think that is a bit extreme. We’ve all been in jobs where we’ve made mistakes (um, especially in the job of being Mom) and, hopefully for our sake, we weren’t fired as a result. With the economy the way it is, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Others are saying that the moms overreacted or that moms should be using their power for greater causes and that we wasted their time on this one. First of all I believe that we all have different causes that speak to us. If everyone supported the same thing, what a boring world this would be. Secondly, who’s to say what other causes we are active in supporting? Who’s to say we can only devote our energy to one cause at a time? I know many of the moms on Twitter are activists and involved in causes that speak to them, just as I am. Why should we have to justify why something speaks to us and why we feel motivated to act on it? If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.
I think the fact that moms were able to band together as quickly as they did demonstrates (once again) that women, and moms in particular, are a force to be reckoned with. And ya know what? We all have to start somewhere. Who’s to say that a mom who was a part of the Motrin thing won’t feel empowered to take on something bigger next time? My first foray into activism a few years ago involved emailing Target about a shirt that had a message I didn’t agree with. Target pulled the shirts from its racks. Similarly to what’s going on now, there were many nay-sayers, but I learned a few valuable lessons: that there is power in numbers and that it’s important to stand up for the things you believe in, no matter how small they may seem. I’ve gone on to become an activist for other things. Most recently, it was volunteering for the Obama campaign and making phone calls to voters in my battleground state of Colorado and I wasn’t the only mom involved. Does that count as a “greater cause?” Who knows what we’ll tackle next. 😉
Personally, I was pleased to see that Motrin issued an apology and pulled the ad. I don’t believe the ad ever should have been made public though. I hope that Motrin/Johnson & Johnson and other companies that want to market to moms have learned that being involved in social media is important, if not crucial, and perhaps they will run future ads by a group of moms from diverse backgrounds to give it a test run. I feel fairly confident that if they had shown the babywearing ad to a handful of moms (both babywearers and non-babywearers), there would have been some negative reactions and it would have caused them to rethink it.
Babywearing International has issued a response to Motrin. Part of the response asked McNeil Consumer Healthcare to help right the wrongs.
Babywearing International, Inc., calls upon McNeil Consumer Healthcare to counter the effects of this offensive ad campaign in the following ways:
– Completely discontinue the campaign by not allowing any further publication of it in any media;
– Undertake an equally prominent campaign that portrays babywearing mothers as the savvy parents and consumers they actually are;
– Undertake an equally prominent campaign that explains the proven benefits of babywearing and directly counters the portrayal of babywearing as painful or as a practice that makes babywearing mothers cry;
– Undertake a campaign to educate healthcare providers as well as patients about the research-proven benefits of babywearing. In fact, babywearing makes mothers more confident and results in fewer tears for both mothers and children.
Recognizing that Motrin is a brand that has heretofore been mother-friendly as well as child-friendly, Babywearing International would consider assisting Motrin in partially repairing the recent damage to its image by having Motrin’s collaboration in our Medical Outreach Campaign, through which we provide research-based information to medical doctors, counselors, and parents concerning the health benefits of babywearing.
I’d love to see Motrin respond to Babywearing International and take them up on their offer for assistance.
Lastly, here are two good examples of what Motrin could have chosen to do with the ad, which would have saved them time, money and yes, many, many headaches.
I just received an email from Kathy Widmer, Vice President of Marketing for McNeil Consumer Healthcare, responding to the feedback I left on Motrin’s website last night. Here it is:
Dear Amy –
I am the Vice President of Marketing for McNeil Consumer Healthcare. I have responsibility for the Motrin Brand, and am responding to concerns about recent advertising on our website. I am, myself, a mom of 3 daughters.
We certainly did not mean to offend moms through our advertising. Instead, we had intended to demonstrate genuine sympathy and appreciation for all that parents do for their babies. We believe deeply that moms know best and we sincerely apologize for disappointing you. Please know that we take your feedback seriously and will take swift action with regard to this ad. We are in process of removing it from our website. It will take longer, unfortunately, for it to be removed from magazine print as it is currently on newstands and in distribution.
In case they pull the ad from their front page by the time youâ€™re reading this (I sure hope they trash the entire campaign, and fast), Iâ€™m quoting the little video on their website front page, which they call a â€œMom-versationâ€œ. The phrases in bold are my emphasis, though they have even better emphasis in the graphics in their ad.
Wearing your baby seems to be in fashion.
I mean, in theory itâ€™s a great idea.
Thereâ€™s the front baby carrier, sling, schwing, wrap, pouch.
And who knows what else theyâ€™ve come up with. Wear your baby on your side, your front, go hands free.
Supposedly, itâ€™s a real bonding experience.
They say that babies carried close to the bod tend to cry less than others.
But what about me? Do moms that wear their babies cry more than those who donâ€™t?
I sure do!
These things put a ton of strain on your back, your neck, your shoulders. Did I mention your back?!
I mean, Iâ€™ll put up with the pain because itâ€™s a good kind of pain; itâ€™s for my kid.
Plus, it totally makes me look like an official mom.
And so if I look tired and crazy, people will understand why.
Motrin’s new ad campaign targeting babywearing is offensive, disrespectful and wrong on so many levels. If a mom is experiencing significant pain from wearing her baby, then she needs to adjust her carrier/sling or try another one. Babywearing has so many proven benefits to both mom and baby and women have been wearing babies since the beginning of time. Stop disrespecting us moms, Motrin. Unlike our babies, we weren’t born yesterday and we will take our $ elsewhere.
Personally, I LOVED wearing my kids. My favorite carrier was the Ergo, though I also really liked the Moby Wrap. I loved having them close and safe, especially out in crowds and when I wanted to be able to get around easily without lugging a stroller. Oh yeah and there was the time I was able to nurse my son hands-free while he was in the Moby and we were out for a walk in the middle of winter without taking him out into the cold. That was pretty cool. 🙂
Does the Motrin ad bother you? Let Motrin know what you think. Contact Motrin and then feel free to boycott them (Johnson & Johnson owns both Motrin and Tylenol). I happen to go through a lot of Ibuprofen because I get migraines on a regular basis, but I use generic Ibuprofen and it works just fine and is cheaper too!
Edited to add: If you weren’t on Twitter Saturday night, you missed the onslaught of comments about the Motrin ad, but Katja Presnal at Ladybug Landings summed it up nicely in the video she made including many of the Tweets in response to Motrin: Motrin Makes Moms Mad. There are even a few pics of me wearing Julian in there, and one of Ava wearing her baby doll. 🙂 (Ava was soo happy to be included in the video. Thanks, Katja!)
What if there was one thing you could do to lessen the likelihood that your child would get involved with smoking, drinking or doing drugs; lessen his/her chance of developing obesity; and help him/her do better in school? What if that thing was as simple as having regular family dinners together?
Monday, Sept. 22, marks the 8th annual Family Day – A Day to Eat Dinner with Your Children – “a national movement to inform parents that the parental engagement fostered during frequent family dinners is an effective tool to help keep Americaâ€™s kids substance free.”
From 2003 to 2008 research by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University has consistently found that “compared to children who have frequent family dinners (five or more per week), children who have infrequent family dinners (less than three per week) are two and a half times likelier to have used marijuana and tobacco and one and a half times likelier to have drunk alcohol.”
At Family Guide: Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free, they also believe in the importance of family mealtimes. Jeanie Lerche Davis of WebMD agrees that family dinners are important and lists 10 Benefits of Family Dinners, including “kids are less likely to become overweight or obese” and “school grades will be better,” as well as 10 Tips for Organizing Family Dinners.
Pretty impressive for just eating a meal together, right? I think most people would agree that it’s not simply the act of eating together, but of engaging in conversation – in talking to your children and listening to them talk to you – that really what makes the difference. Dinner just happens to be that one time of day that busy families might have an opportunity to sit down and spend a few minutes with each other.
start the pattern of eating dinner together while children are young
turn off the TV and avoid taking phone calls during dinner time
encourage kids to get involved in meal planning and preparation
discuss what happened during everyone’s day
keep it positive and make sure everyone gets a chance to speak.
Gina from A Wrestling Addicted Mommy’s Blog recalls that growing up, she and her family used to have dinner and talk about their day, but admits now with her own family, this is something they are lacking. She also points out a recent survey from Mom Central that said 98% of the momâ€™s polled think that children do benefit from eating meals at the table with the families, but only 61% of families actually do this every day.
The blogger at All Rileyed Up also recalls family dinners while she was growing up (complete with grace before meals, grace after meals, and on Sunday, the whole rosary) says, “Family dinners are much harder to pull off these days, now that Iâ€™m the one running the family, partly because Husbandâ€™s work schedule is erratic and partly because I am a lazy bum. … For a while, it wasnâ€™t a big deal to me, but now that the kids are getting older, I feel a need to give them something to remember, a time the whole family can count on being together.”
I find it fairly easy to have dinner with my family every night, but that’s because a) (thankfully) my husband is able to get home from work at a decent hour and b) my children are still young and not involved in after-school programs, sports, nor do they have homework or jobs to go to. I imagine it will prove to get more and more challenging as my kids get older, but I think it is something worth striving for and we will do the best that we can.
Do you have regular family dinners with your child(ren)? If so, will you make an effort to continue that throughout the teenage years? If not, will you make it a priority on Sept. 22 and/or consider trying to do it more often?
Julie, an API leader who blogs at ChezArtz, explains that the theme “focuses on the benefits of spending quality time with our children, especially in the run up to the very consumer-oriented holiday season. Although all children love toys, it is our presence, not presents, that they truly crave.”
Scylla at Law and Motherhood notes some of the ways she tries to keep her family connected like not having a DVD player in her car and bringing her children into the kitchen to help with cooking, but also admits its not always easy to remain present in their lives. She asks her readers, “how you give your presence to your children, when you are too worn out to be present for anyone else?” After all, we as parents all find ourselves in those situations, sometimes on a regular basis.
API Speaks, the blog of Attachment Parenting International, will be holding a blog carnival focusing on “giving our children presence,” complete with giveaways, during the month of October.
While I know not everyone agrees with attachment parenting being the best fit for their family, I think we can all agree that giving our children our presence is an invaluable gift and something so important especially in today’s world. As October approaches, I will be considering how I might be more present in my children’s lives and I encourage you to do the same. It’s often the little things – taking a few minutes to read a book, build a blanket fort, go for a walk together, have dinner together while you talk and especially listen – that mean the world to a child.
I apologize for the lack of substance on CDG this week. Between keeping a close eye on all of the developing stories in politics (more on my opinions another time), watching the Republican National Convention, being without the internets for a day, all of my crazy food preservation adventures (I’m still trying to write a how-to post about making/canning jam), updating the list of Ditch the Disposables challenge participants (woot!!), and Ava starting back to preschool, I just haven’t been able to get it together. However, finally here is some fresh content, cross-posted at the blog of Attachment Parenting International, API Speaks.
During the past four years of my attachment parenting journey, I sometimes find myself in situations, especially with regard to discipline, that require me to step outside the box and out of my comfort zone.
A few months ago I was trying to get Ava, almost 4 years old at the time, to sleep. She had had a long day and was simply exhausted, so much so that every little thing was setting her off into a puddle of tears. I was getting frustrated because it seemed nothing I could do was right (in her eyes). Logically, I knew that she was acting this way because she was so tired and had passed the point of no return, but still I felt my frustration growing inside me.
She sat on the bed, slumped over crying and complaining about anything and everything imaginable and I wondered how could I get her to give in to her exhaustion and just lay down. I realized that reasoning with her wouldn’t work at this point. She was too far gone for that. I felt like yelling because my frustration was getting worse and worse – after all, I had things to do too and I didn’t want to spend all of my night trying to get her to sleep – but I knew that wasn’t going to help matters either.
Finally I decided what I really needed to do was take a deep breath, step outside of my comfort zone, grab a stuffed animal and start talking to her as the animal. Talking to Ava via a stuffed animal is a parenting “tool” my husband and I had used with success in the past, though not lately and, given the circumstances, I wasn’t sure how it would fly.
She has a bear named Roger who I always imagine talks with a Southern drawl and is good at cheering her up when she’s down, so Roger was the bear for the job. After a few seconds of talking as Roger, Ava stopped crying and began responding back to him, telling him what was going on with her. Although she couldn’t have done that for me, her mommy, she could do it for an impartial furry third party. 😉
Roger’s silly antics soon had Ava giggling and then he was able to talk her into laying down on her bed, relaxing and getting ready to sleep. As the bear said his good nights to Ava and me, Ava said her good nights in return and was soon calm enough to drift off to sleep.
As I left her room I couldn’t help but feel very proud of myself. I can’t claim to always respond well or the “right” way to every situation, but that night I put my pride and frustration aside and did what Ava needed to help her relax and get to sleep. Had I let my frustration overcome me there’s a good chance it would’ve taken me at least another 30-45 minutes and many more tears (probably on both of our parts) before she was asleep. But by tuning into her needs, letting go of all that I “needed” to get done, stepping outside of my comfort zone, and throwing in a little goofiness, I was able to get her to sleep calmly in much less time. And let’s face it, isn’t goofiness a prerequisite for becoming a parent? No? Well, it should be. The world just might be a happier place.
After much deliberation, I finally decided on an outfit to wear last night (a black dress complete with – get this – a non-nursing bra!!!). I blew a kiss to my napping Julian and hugged and kissed my Ava and Jody (hubby) goodbye as I headed out for my first real night out on the town since Ava was born. It was a little hard to leave, but I knew the kids were in great hands with Jody and that there was nothing he couldn’t handle. Me and my girls (women I’ve known as a result of attachment parenting since the birth of our kids 4-ish years ago) – Melissa of Nature Deva, Heather of A Mama’s Blog and Julie of Chez Artz – caught a bus from Boulder and made our way to the Rocky Mountain Blogger Bash at Trios Enoteca in Denver.
On the bus we ran into Jeremy Tanner who, upon overhearing our talk of blogging, Twitter and Facebook, asked if we were going to the blogger party too. Was it that obvious? 😉
When we got to the bar, we immediately met up with Amber from Crazy Bloggin Canuck and Mile High Mamas. She’s just as sweet and bubbly in person as she is online. 🙂 And honestly, everyone I met last night was nice as could be.
Not long after we got there, it was time to find the nearest TV and plunk down in front of it. Dozens of us bloggers gathered together (most of us squatting on the floor – which, in a dress, was interesting let me tell you) in the back room of the bar to watch Obama’s acceptance speech. There were many cheers and rounds of applause as the feeling of hope and desire for change was tangible in the room, which made up for the lack of feeling I had in my legs from the precarious way I was kneeling/squatting/sitting. But seriously, the speech was awesome. 🙂
After the speech, there were free drinks to be had, food to be eaten and more bloggers to meet. I met Laura (LaLa Girl) who I spent quite a bit of time chatting with and Suzanne (Crunchy Green Mom) who I Tweet with all of the time.
Back row: Laura, Heather, Julie, me Front row: Melissa and Amber
L to R: Julie, Amber, Melissa, Laura, Suzanne, me, Heather
Julie decided she had to have the hat in the picture below, so she did her best to sweet talk this blogger (from My Left Nutmeg) out of it, but he wouldn’t give in. Can ya blame him? 😉
We soon learned that this man and his wife Tessa were visiting from Connecticut to cover the convention and three of us guest blogged for My Left Nutmeg
And, of course, I had to get my Tweet on. (Thanks to Tessa who let me steal her laptop for a bit.) I was trying to find the whereabouts of Erin and the rest of the BlogHers and Momocrats. Thanks to Twitter and Vdog, I found out Erin’s phone had died, but I was able to get in touch with Maria who told me they had a hard time getting out of Invesco and were exhausted and at Denny’s, grabbing some food before going back to their hotels.
So I didn’t get to meet the BlogHers, but I did meet a few Momocrats on our way out to catch the bus back to Boulder.
I didn’t end up getting home until 2 a.m. (wow), but am happy to report that the kids and Jody did great. Jody even emailed me a time line this morning to report back last night’s family events. I didn’t ask for it (really, I didn’t – I know I have control issues, but c’mon), but I guess he knew I would appreciate it. ;)Â The time line ended with this summary, “no melt downs. they played well with me, together, by themselves. only time jules really wanted mama was when ava accidentally dropped a book on his foot. how was your night?”
I’d call it a successful night all around. I’m thinking I definitely need to get out more often. Who’s going with me?
Thanks to MrLady and ZombyBoy (both whom I didn’t even get to meet – arg) for throwing such a great party. 🙂 Denver rocks!
Ever since getting back from Michigan, my family and I have been sicker than dogs. I’ve had a cold, then the stomach flu, then a return of the cold, then the stomach flu again. Ava’s puked, Julian’s puked, and Jody’s had stomach issues as well. Of course in the middle of all of this we’ve had friends from Georgia staying with us (fun for them) and Jody’s now traveling for work for the next several days. It’s been, um, interesting.
I think I’m finally over the worst of it and the kids are on the mend as well, but needless to say, blogging hasn’t been a priority. However, you can read something from me today about how going green has sometimes forced me to slow down and why this is a good thing over at 5 Minutes For Going Green. I’m also moderating over at API Speaks this week. If you haven’t been by there yet, I encourage you to check it out for lots of motivational, interesting, sometimes silly, and often sweet gentle parenting stories.