“The things they say” – breastfeeding carnival

tandem nursing 7/15/07

The topic of the July Carnival of Breastfeeding is “The things they say.” This refers to the funny, strange, uninformed, and otherwise interesting things that people (including our own kids) have said to us about breastfeeding. 🙂


A few months before Ava was born, my mom – who breast-fed all three of her children – asked me if I was going to start rubbing a towel on my nipples to toughen them up in preparation for breastfeeding. Yikes! I hadn’t thought of doing that! Is that the kind of advice they gave out in the ’70s? I’m glad I was taking a breastfeeding class at the time. The instructor clarified for me that there is no reason to toughen up your nipples. You might be sore while first learning to breastfeed, but if baby is latched on properly, it should not hurt.


My mother-in-law once told me she heard that breastfeeding women shouldn’t eat chocolate. *GASP* Thank God that’s not true (at least it wasn’t for me)! I think that would be harder on me than rubbing a towel on my nipples!


I believe I’ve written before about some of the things Ava has said about nursing (in her now 3 years of nursing), but here are some more funnies that come to mind. 🙂

When she was between 2 and 2 1/2 I asked her what my milk tasted like and she replied, “strawberries.”

She recently has differentiated between my two breasts. The right one is “soft” and the left one is “squishy.” I guess it could be worse. 😉

The other day I decided to “interview” her a bit to get a 3-year-old’s perspective on nursing.

Me: Do you like mama milk?
Ava: Yeah.
Me: Why?
Ava: Cuz it’s good for me to grow bigger.

Me: Do you like the way it tastes?
Ava: Yes.
Me: What does it taste like?
Ava: Tart (?) and yummy.

Me: How old will you be when you stop having mama milk?
Ava: I don’t know. Three? What?! I’m already 3!

Me: Do you think all kids should have mama milk?
Ava: Yeah.
Me: Why?
Ava: Because it’s good.

‘Nuf said. 😉

*After realizing I didn’t have any pictures of myself tandem nursing the kids (since it’s very rare that they both nurse at the same time), I asked Jody to take some. This photo was taken on July 15, 2007.

A reminder…If you missed the announcement of the winners of my World Breastfeeding Week photo contest, please take a look here. I’m still waiting to hear back from the 1st and 3rd place winners to claim their prizes.


Here are more great (and downright hilarious) stories about “the things they say” below. 🙂

All aboard the crazy train

Let’s see how much stuff I can pack into five days, shall we?

First, on Wednesday, get filling in tooth. Translation: spend most of the morning psyching myself up to go through with the filling, only to have my heart start racing like mad anyway when I was finally sitting in the chair and he was about to drill. Despite that the dentist was, in fact, a hottie, having my tooth drilled still hurt. I was so busy trying to find my happy place while staring intently at one spot on the ceiling that he could’ve looked like Frankenstein’s monster for all I cared. It was not my idea of a good time. In fact, I’d happily take natural pain med-free childbirth over a filling any day. Seriously. Apparently I’m a big wimp when it comes to dental work.

Secondly, on Thursday, have parents fly in from MI to stay with us (in mid- to upper-90 degree heat* with no A/C) for 6 days. Translation: clean the house the night before and then plan to sweat our selves silly.

Thirdly, on Friday, celebrate Ava’s 3rd birthday! Woot! 🙂 Translation: plan a fun-filled day for Ava, complete with favorite foods and a birthday cake. And write a letter to Ava to sum up the past year (something I do for her on every birthday). (Still working on all of that.)

Fourthly, on Saturday, throw a birthday party (in 94 degree heat) for Ava and friends at a local park. Translation: drive self crazy trying to get everything ready for the party. (I still have a bunch of things I need to buy.) Oh, and more sweating.

Fifthly, on Sunday, plan to attend the National Mile High Breastfeeding Celebration to participate in breaking the national record for the most women breastfeeding in one place. Also, plan to blog about it at a later date and take pictures to share on my blog and possibly with other bloggers. Did I mention it’s supposed to be 98 degrees that day?! Translation: pack family in the car to drive an hour to Denver, nurse Julian at the appointed time while sweating my butt off, pack family back into car for an hour drive back home. Nah, I’m sure we will hang out and have a good time. I just wish it wasn’t going to be 98 degrees.

Sixthly, also on Sunday, plan to attend sister’s “I graduated from law school” party. Translation: even more sweating to ensue, but this time with free food. 🙂

Whew! Is that all? Yes, that’s all. Are you sensing a theme?

Any one of those things by itself in a week would be all fine and good (preferably with cooler temps), but to try to do all of them in the span of five days qualifies me for the crazy award. If I’m not blogging the next few days, you’ll know why. I’ll be on the crazy train. Sweating. 😉

*Jody and I finally got around to watching Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” the other night. It’s only been sitting on our entertainment center for a month now. I plan to blog about it another time, but can you say “global warming?”

“What did you do with my wife?”

“Who are you and what did you do with my wife?” was the question posed to me by Jody after I told him that Ava was the first child dropped off at the farm summer camp this morning. You read that right – the FIRST child dropped off. Me, amygeekgrl, who is notoriously late (see my 8 things post), somehow managed to get to the farm this morning BEFORE any other parents. And we (Ava, Julian and I) were all dressed and even presentable. Ava had her lunch AND her ziploc bag full of table scraps to make pig slop! I even had my camera in hand just in case any photo ops presented themselves.

I’m still scratching my head wondering how I pulled that off. Actually, I think it has something to do with telling myself we HAVE to leave by 9 a.m. to get there by 9:30. That way, even when we don’t leave until 9:10 or 9:15, we still can get there on time, and, apparently even a few minutes early! Amazing.

I was pretty excited about the table scraps Ava got to take for the pigs today too. I’ve had this 3 lb. bag of organic apples sitting in my crisper for over a month now. The apples (unsure of the variety) were too tart to eat as is, but I kept them around, hating to waste them and thinking I’d do something with them “someday.” Someday arrived this weekend, when I finally decided to peel, core, chop them and make them into apple crisp. It was damn tasty. Of course then I was left with a bunch of apple peels and cores which I started to throw in the trash (I know, we need to start using our composter), when I remembered Ava needed food for the pigs. So I put them in a bag and into the fridge (didn’t know if pigs could eat them if they sat out. I’d hate to be the one who gave the pigs food poisoning). I told the director at the farm this morning that I wish I could bring our table scraps every week. She just laughed. Apparently she didn’t realize I was totally serious.

Ava had a good time again today – making slop for the pigs, making a pig mask and painting a paper pig, among other things. When I went to pick her up today I had her show me her little square of the garden all of the kids planted last week. Nothing sprouting yet, but maybe in another week since we are getting rain again.

Oh, and she didn’t tell me, “I don’t want to be picked up” when I showed up today either, though I was met with a sad face. She had been spouting off animal sounds to her teacher as she read a farm book to Ava and the other kids waiting to be picked up. I walked up to hear her oinking enthusiastically. 🙂

It was pretty cute when after we got home today I took off her shoes and out rolled some corn. Guess who’d been feeding and petting the cows? 😉 My little farmer.

Oh, and just for the record, I was a couple of minutes early picking her up too! Maybe having two kids will actually help me be on time more often. Ha ha ha ha ha. Who am I kidding?

Clothes shopping challenged

Apparently I am seriously out of practice when it comes to shopping for clothes for myself. I haven’t bought much in the way of non-maternity clothes for the past 4 years, so today when I set out to find myself some new shirts specifically (I am in major need), I felt lost. I kept picking out shirts that resembled maternity tops, even though I wasn’t in the maternity section. Is that just the style these days or am I subconsciously wishing I was pregnant again?

Anyway, Kohl’s was the first store I went to since I was hoping to score some sweet discounts with a coupon I had. Although I tried on a mess of clothes there, I couldn’t find anything I really liked. Part of it has to do with the fact that I’m holding onto about 10 lbs of baby fat and the other part is because the majority of the clothes were just plain weird. Or perhaps I have no fashion sense. Or maybe shopping at Kohl’s means I have no fashion sense in the first place. I don’t know. It’s late and I’m getting confused.

When I go shopping I tend to look for cute clothes in the juniors department first, because I feel like the women’s department is too “old” (for lack of a better term) for me. Yet I’m sensing more and more that the junior clothes are too “young” for me. And apparently to be a “junior” you have to want your ass crack to hang out of the back of your capris, shorts, jeans, etc. So maybe I am not a junior after all.

I went over to the women’s department and the clothes fit me better (because I *am* a woman), but they weren’t styles I really liked. I felt like everything was business casual, and, as a SAHM, I don’t need business, just casual.

After coming up empty handed after two trips into the fitting room, I decided I’d wasted enough time at Kohl’s and gave up on my discount and headed to the next store. Ross. (For those of you unfamiliar with Ross, it’s a discount store like TJMaxx or Marshall’s. “Designer clothes at less than half the original price” or some such thing. If that doesn’t say fashion sense, I don’t know what does. 😉 Ha.)

Oh, I must also say here that I was doing all of this shopping on my own – sans kids. Jody said he would watch them and I high-tailed it on out of there. Yay me!

Ross is a hit or miss kind of store. Sometimes you get lucky and find a plethora of things. Other times, not so much. You pretty much have to comb through the racks a couple of times to make sure you didn’t miss a buried treasure, so it’s a little time consuming to shop there.

This time I decided to start in the women’s section and hope for the best. As luck would have it, everything I found, except for one item (a skirt) came from women’s. Just like Kohl’s, Ross’s junior section was full of lots of ass cracky kinds of pants and shirts that don’t cover enough of your stomach, er, not enough of *my* stomach.

Today turned out to be a good day for me at Ross though, and I managed to do fairly well. I came away with four shirts and a flowy, hippie-kinda skirt all for $40. I was pleased. I was even happier to use a VISA gift card (that Jody gave me for Christmas) for my purchases. Free clothes! 😉

As I left Ross, I noted that I hadn’t heard from Jody that the kids were wreaking havoc or anything so I decided to swing by Vitamin Cottage on my way home. Unfortunately, I made up for my savings on clothes by spending a pretty penny there, but it’s all worth it. I was happy to see organic romaine lettuce from a local farmer for sale and I picked up a head. It always makes me feel good to support the local farmers and I’m glad Vitamin Cottage gets some of their food from the locals. I also bought some organic bananas and yams because I think we might start giving Julian some food in the near future. He seems about ready. I’m not feeling as ready and neither is Jody (we’re not looking forward to going from sweet smelling breastfed poopy diapers to rank and stinky solid food poopy diapers), but what can we do. 😉 We’ll survive.

All in all it was a pleasant three hours spent out in the world by myself. (I haven’t done that in over six months. I should do it more often.) I got some clothes, I got some food. What more does one need? 😉

Please don’t forget to update your blogroll links to include my new URL – http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com. Thanks for the linky love! 🙂

That’s my girl

While we were shopping at the sale last night (more on our finds later), Ava found a toy workbench with lots of tools on it. Jody saw her lifting up her shirt and putting something on her chest. He wondered what she was doing, but didn’t think much of it. Later, she came over to me and said, “here’s some milk for Julian” handing me an invisible cup. Still later, she handed an invisible cup to our friend Dax to give to his baby Trajan.

I hadn’t seen her putting the tools to her chest and Jody didn’t hear her say it was milk for Julian (but did see her give the “milk” to Dax – which he “drank” himself, hehe), so it wasn’t until later that we were both talking about it that we put the pieces together and figured out she was “pumping milk” for the babies. 🙂 Leave it to my girl to turn a workbench and tools into a breast pump. Love her!

By the way, the pumping for the milk bank is going better for me. I’ve taken your advice (thank you!) and pumped while nursing. It goes much faster that way. Oh, and I’ve been able to express more milk the past couple days, so it seems my supply is meeting the demand of pumping each day. I feel so fortunate that I can do this. 🙂

Grosser than gross

Remember those old jokes – What’s grosser than gross?

I’ve got a new one.

What’s grosser than gross?
When your baby spits up down your v-neck shirt leaving a literal puddle of spit-up in your bra.
Say it with me – Ewwww! Yep, glad I didn’t bother showering today!

What’s grosser than that?
When you know you probably won’t get a chance to shower until later tonight at the earliest.

And on the topic of liquids coming out of babies’ mouths, I was holding Julian up on the couch with me while Ava played with him as she sat on the floor. All of a sudden she gets up to go get a burp cloth and says, “Julian drooled in my eye.”
Be thankful it was only drool, honey.

Kidisms from Ava

And now for a little light reading…

Feb. 2007:
Ava called “Rooster” from the movie Annie, “chicken.”

The day before, Julian was “talking” and I told Ava he was “finding his voice.” So the next day when he was squealing, Ava said, “Is he finding his voicemail?”

Me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Ava (pausing to think): “A pumpkin!”

Discussing whether or not Ava was going to go to the store with daddy.
Me: “Do you want to go with daddy?”
Ava: “No”
Me: “OK, then daddy will just go by himself.”
Ava: “No, he will get lost in the woods.”

Me: “What do you want for lunch, Ava?”
Ava: “Egg cake.”
Translation – Quiche

Ava took off Julian’s socks and was picking at his toes.
Me: “What are you doing, Ava?”
Ava: “Getting the crap out of his toes.”

Biohazardous boobs, baby

If you missed the original post about an Ohio daycare center charging a breastfeeding mom an extra $50/week breast milk surcharge and labeling the milk “biohazard,” please get up to speed here or to directly to Breastfeeding 123 for the whole story.

In actuality, “the Centers for Disease Control does not consider breast milk a hazardous bodily fluid and breast milk thus does not require any special handling, protection or storage by the daycare provider. Breast-fed babies are sick less often and less severely, translating into fewer illnesses spreading to the other children and the daycare staff.”

So why is this daycare freaking out and implementing an extra charge? At this time, I believe they have yet to comment.

Jennifer of The Lactivist is trying to gain national coverage for the story. If you or anyone you know has been discriminated against by a daycare because you were breastfeeding, please contact her.

And now, to lighten the mood…
I had to LOL at my bloggin’ friend Penny when she posted this picture of herself (on a msg board) showing off her biohazardous boobs and biohazardous material container (i.e. her baby – isn’t she a doll?).

Penny’s biohazardous boobs Penny’s baby

Here’s my take on it.
Biohazardous Amy

And I decided Julian’s shirt needed rewording.
From this:
Boob man
To this:
Biohazard man

And, oh my gosh, he’s leaking biohazardous liquid all over his shirt!
Considering all of the biohazardous material these babes consume, they sure are growing cute and chunky.

Others joining in on the toxic fun…

Beware the bioharzardous Nora (Eva’s baby)!
Biohazardous Nora

Want to show off your “biohazardous” boobs or babe? Email me your pics and blog url and I’ll put them up here.

Since we’re on the subject, here’s an interesting article about breastfed babies on WebMD – Breastfed Kids Become Social Climbers British Study: Breastfed Babies 41% More Likely to Be Social, Educated Adults

Mothering multiple choice

It’s 2:30 in the morning, your 2-year-old daughter just woke up and only mommy can comfort her, your 13-week-old son just did a doozy in his diaper and wants to nurse, the wind is howling outside and the dogs are barking downstairs because of the wind.

What do you do? Do you…

A) Wait for your husband to change your son, then nurse him while trying to cuddle your daughter at the same time;

B) Lie in bed thinking about how you *really* wish you were in the bathroom right about now because of (TMI) the intestinal flu you’ve had the past two days;

C) Brainstorm ideas for a new CafePress store;

D) Think, “I wonder how I can blog about this?”;

E) All of the above.

If you guessed “E) All of the above,” you are right! Your prize is … hmmm, well, there is no prize, other than getting to chuckle to yourself thinking about me in that situation last night.

Around 3:15 a.m., after both kids had fallen back to sleep, I finally got up to go to the bathroom, then snuck downstairs and let the dogs out, drank some Recharge, came back upstairs and checked out Kellymom to look up diarrhea meds that are safe to take while breastfeeding, and jotted down the store/t-shirt ideas I came up with.

Pretty productive for being half asleep, no? Maybe my kids should wake me up in the middle of the night more often. 😉

Reflecting on Valentine’s day


My husband Jody has never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. He sees it for what it is – a commercial holiday second only to Christmas – and I have to agree. Even though I know that it’s all about consumerism – something I try my best not to get caught up in – I have to admit that this girl still likes to be pampered.

I think it was two years ago Valentine’s Day when we said we weren’t going to spend any money on each other. Yeah sure, I agreed to it, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t buy anything for him, but I secretly hoped he’d buy something for me. (Wouldn’t you?) He didn’t. I got upset and I’m pretty sure an argument ensued.

Of course I knew that he loved me and I shouldn’t need a silly holiday for him to prove it (it’s the unexpected little gestures throughout the year that really count), but because our society has built up Valentine’s day to be this special you’d-better-spend-some-good-money-on-me-and-act-all-romantic-or-else kinda day for lovers, not receiving anything other than a verbal “Happy Valentine’s Day” made me feel a little sorry for myself.

When last Valentine’s Day rolled around I knew better and didn’t get my hopes up that I would receive anything. So when he brought home some chocolates, I was pleasantly surprised. (Guess he knew better too. 😉 )

This year, however, I decided if I wanted something special, I’d better do it for myself. And so, I treated myself to a shower this morning, didn’t do any laundry ALL DAY *gasp*, and pulled a casserole out of the freezer for dinner so I didn’t have to cook! If you combine that with the slobbery “kisses” I got from Julian and the unsolicited hugs and “I love you, Mommy”s from Ava, my day turned out to be sweeter than any box of chocolates could ever be. 🙂